Thursday, May 31, 2012

This afternoon was total crap.

Just from 2:45 on.  What happened at 2:45??  I picked C up from school.  She's not always bad, usually she's really pleasant, but today she must have taken a nasty pill because she was walking around with a storm cloud above her head that didn't want to blow away. 

We were scheduled to skype with D at 3:15, which meant that she could go play on the playground with her friends (who she spends the entire day with) for a few minutes, but not as long as we usually do.  I informed her of this as we were walking to the playground, so it wouldn't come as a shock.  I figured she would be pleased to talk to her dad.  Wrong.

Fast forward fifteen minutes and it's time to go, I ask G to tell C that it's time to go, G runs over to her and runs back and says to me with wide eyes, "C says she doesn't care what you say."  Rude.  So I yell to C that we're leaving NOW and she needs to come on.  She drags ass over to me, walking like a snail, and refuses to hold my hand in the parking lot.  Way to show me who's boss.

After throwing one-liners at her sister and I the entire way home (G isn't fun to play with.....you don't pack me good lunches.......this car smells [and it totally doesn't!]), I sent her to her room.  She stewed in there until she heard her dad's voice and was ready to come out and talk.  After the skype session she had more nasty things to say to her sister and was sent back to her room for a good 45 minutes.  I was over her.

She was reading when I went in to tell her it was time for dinner.  She seemed better... she really fooled me.  After dinner we went to Target.  In the dollar aisle I told she and G they could get squirt bottles to spray each other with outside.  C informed me that she would be picking out a real toy in the toy aisle.  Ummm, nooooo, I didn't offer you a real toy, you can have a squirt bottle or nothing.  She bitched some more, so she got nothing.  She cried all the way through Target (five minutes, I only needed one thing) and all the way home.

When we got home I sent her to bed.  It was 6:15.  She got in her bead and screamed until she VOMITED.

Oh, hell no.

I calmly explained to her that the reason she vomited was because she was freaking her shit out and needed to calm down.  I took her vom blanket away and now she only has a sheet.  That's what happens when you give yourself the pukes.

Now she's quiet.  I don't care if she's asleep or not, I just want her to leave me alone.  She was soooo baaddddd today.  Do you ever have those days, when as soon as you see your child glare at you from across the parking lot you just know it's going to suck?  I hope I'm not the only one. 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Eight Years In A Nutshell. Happy Anniversary To Me And The D-ster!

Happy Anniversary!  Today D and I celebrated (not together, of course) eight years together.  So I thought it would be appropriate to tell you a little about us, and you know how much I love numbered lists.  Two birds with one stone...

We started dating when we were seventeen, we were seniors in high school.  I can't find a picture of us on my computer (we didn't have fancy things like digital cameras in high school), but I'll find one and add it to the post later.

We never broke up.  Ever.  You know how it is in high school, you fight and break up, get back together, break up, talk shit about the other person, date their best friend... you get the idea.  We didn't do that.  Ever.  We got along, and when we didn't get along we talked about it and worked it out.  We respected each other, and still do.

D went away to XXX University and I joined him shortly after.  We ate a lot of taco's and pancakes (okay, mostly it was me eating the pancakes), and skipped a lot of class.  I'm still paying for both- pancakes and skipping class. 

In 2001 D proposed to me... in CLEVELAND.  I'm sorry if you're from Cleveland, I don't mean to offend, but Cleveland totally sucks.  It's dirty, it's grey, it's Cleveland.  I had won an all expenses paid trip to Cleveland (by all expenses paid I mean a dinner cruise on lake... something... whatever lake Cleveland is near... and one night at a Holiday Inn Express), and D thought it would be the perfect time to propose.  It may not have been perfect, but he did it and we came home from Cleveland excited to start planning our wedding.

We didn't get married until 2004, we figured we would finish college first.  HAHAHAHA!  Funny joke.  By the time we were married we had been together almost six years.  Our wedding was really nice, but we had the worst photographer EVER!  We thought he was awesome from the fake pictures he showed us that weren't actually his work.  I didn't even get wedding pictures for almost two years!  Here's an example of our awesome wedding pictures:

This is an edited image they gave us.  You can't even see our faces.  And the color... exquisite.


Almost immediately after we were married, D deployed.  You can read about that here.  And almost immediately after he returned we got pregnant with baby C. 

Please disregard the greasy hair and puffy face.  Thanks.

Two years later we welcomed baby G, and the rest is history. 

I love this picture.
We've lived in five different places, we've welcomed two baby girls, we're on our second deployment, and we love each other unconditionally.

So Happy Anniversary, D!  Eight down, sixty to go, and I can't wait!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Monday Night Confessional

Y'all.

D landed in the devil's lair last week, and we're off and rolling.  Let's get this bull shit over with sooner rather than later.*  I've been able to compartmentalise again (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, read this) and I'm feeling much more stable... not that I was unstable, but I'm not crying anymore, so that's good.

I've been sick for a full week.  I have a headache, super sore throat, nausea, no energy.  Good times.  I went to urgent care yesterday and they told me I have a virus, but if I'm not better by Wednesday (in two days) I'll need to have some blood work done.  I need to get better, I don't have time for this.

I can't really think of anything else to write about right now.  I don't want to quit on the blog, I really don't, I'm just going to keep writing, even when I have nothing to write about... like today.

Here's something...

Confession, I'm watching Sister Wives right now.  Janelle has lost weight and can now go hiking with Kody.  I can sleep easier at night.

Confession #2, I DVR the series.

Confession #3, I've noticed that the daughter of one of the wives hasn't been on this season, and I'm going to get to the bottom of this.


*Side note, I'm going to use profanity from here on out.  If you don't like it, I'm sorry.  It's me and this is who I am... love me or hate me.

Monday, May 7, 2012

No Tears on Monday. Probably.

Today I did not cry... I don't think I did, anyway.  Don't quote me on that.

Yesterday was a TRAIN WRECK, which you may know from reading yesterday's post.  My poor neighbor walked in on the worst of it, she was just trying to bring over some cake pans she borrowed and she walked in to a shit storm of tears.  She almost always texts or calls before coming over, but yesterday she just thought she would pop over quickly.  Her mistake!

I was s o b b i n g when she knocked on the door, I'm sure she was horrified, but she put on a brave face and gave me good hugs and stuck around until I calmed down.  Good stuff.

Anyway, today I didn't cry.  I don't think.  It's the little things.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Today Sucked.

I sit down and write a post from time to time, but I rarely publish because I feel like it's too depressing.  Today is one of those days.  Who knows if I'll actually publish this..........

D was home on leave for eleven and a half days.  He was supposed to have fourteen days, I feel robbed.  Also, he was gone for four months before he came home on leave, which means that we still have twice as long as we've already been through before he comes home for good.  Saying goodbye is so hard.  Today at the airport it was like everyone knew what we were doing, everyone gave me the sad eyes.  I hate the sad eyes.  There is a mom at C's school that gives me the sad eyes all the time and says "How are you doing, honeyyyyy?"  I want to say- how are you doing??  You're almost 50 years old and pregnant with your sixth child?  How are YOU doing, honey?

Today at the airport the woman at the ticket counter asked me if I wanted to go back to the gate with him and wait for his plane.  I wasn't crying at the ticket counter, I didn't even think I looked that bad.  I guess she figured out where he was going from his destination and his Army duffel bag. I told her no, thank you.  She kept pushing, and I kept saying no, she kept pushing... all you need is a drivers license...then I started crying and told her that we know what we're doing, it's easier to just say goodbye and get it over with.  This is not our first time at the rodeo.  More sad eyes.  How nice of her to make me explain my reasoning.  That was just what I needed.

D texted me later and he said that multiple people saw us saying goodbye and approached him in the terminal to ask where he was going.... which I think is strange, but whatever.  One woman wanted to sit and talk about it.  He told her that he really didn't feel like talking right now. 

I'm still working on how to move the scariness about this deployment to the background again.  I had the scariness in the background, very compartmentalised.  The day to day was what I thought about.  Where are the kids going after school today?  What does C need to bring for share day?  What homework am I not doing today?

 A month ago we lost some soldiers from here in our town, that we know.  Now it's hard to get that uneasy feeling out of the foreground.  I think about it every day.  I think about their wives every single day.  I think about how that could very easily be me.

Today sucks.  I feel nauseous.  I hope not too many people read this, it's so depressing.  But, this is my life today.  Tomorrow will be better, I hope.